


Decisions

by Chene



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29861505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chene/pseuds/Chene
Summary: Caleb walks out of Tidepeak Tower to leave with Trent and the volstruckers. It's better that he suffers than his friends. Astrid and Eadwulf are glad to have Bren back, even if it has to happen like this. Short angsty ficlet, that's it.
Relationships: Astrid/Eodwulf/Bren Aldric Ermendrud, Astrid/Eodwulf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62





	Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t have an end to it. I’m just here for the angst and Blumentrio.  
> AU for 128  
> Includes: creepy abuser Ikithon, identity crisis, a light mention of thoughts of self-harm  
> I spelled it Eadwulf because that's what the wiki said.  
> cross posted on tumblr  
> Companion piece "Out of Sight" by amateurwordbender!

It had been the only way.

Caleb knew that. The other ways out were too dangerous, he had to make the decision that would keep his friends and their families safe.

Walking out of the Tidepeak tower- alone, unarmed, his spellbooks left behind with Veth to keep what he learned hidden- he saw him. He looked as he always had. Tall. Thin. Frail. But the power Trent Ikithon radiated didn’t rely on physical presence. 

“Bren,” his voice caressed the name, making the hairs on the back of Caleb’s neck stand, “so good of you to come back to us. You know you can always talk with me. I simply want to help. Now let’s set this unpleasantness behind us.” His smile was too stretched, too wide, too false, but what could Caleb do.

“My friends…I am here and will go with you…willingly… but my friends…they do not need to be involved. Let them be.” Caleb made himself look his nightmare in the face as he spoke, keeping the exhaustion and fear out of his monotone voice. “They will stay and I will come with you.”

“Why of course,” Ikithon crooned, “You know you only need to ask, I’m happy to see you’re back to your senses. It was so painful to sit beside you all those years you were unwell. As for your…friends…if that is what you wish, we’re happy to accommodate.

Isn’t that so, children?” He turned to Astrid and Eadwulf who had come up beside him. Neither had looked directly at Caleb yet, looking instead to somewhere in the air between the two wizards.

“Bren.” Eadwulf’s solid voice came as he nodded a short greeting.

“It is good to see you” Astrid’s voice was softer as she finally met his eyes. 

“Yes, it is good to have you all back together again.” Ikithon’s voice cut into the small moment, “But now let us return to Rexxentrum. I’m sure we have much to catch Bren up on, as he has much to share with us.” He turned to Caleb, “I’ll leave you in their capable hands for the night and we’ll reconvene in the morning to discuss your return to the empire’s service, and how we can best use your new talents. You’ve show some impressive skills, I’m eager to see what you’ve learned in your time away. 

But I’ve other matters to attend to now that we’ve reached this understanding, and I’m sure your old friends can reacquaint you with our service. See children, am I not generous to give you this time to yourselves?”

“Yes Master Ikithon,” came Eadwulf’s quick reply, “Thank you, we’ll return to our tower with Bren and be ready to meet with you in the morning.” 

Nodding, he and Astrid stepped up to Caleb’s side and waited as Ikithon cast a final eye over him, before turning and disappearing.

—

Caleb, or was he Bren now? Had he ever really been Caleb? Bren was who Astrid and Eadwulf knew. Bren was who studied with Master Ikithon. If this was the decision he had made, to throw Caleb away to save the rest of the Mighty Nein, did he deserve to be anyone other than Bren?

Bren looked to Astrid and Eadwulf and nodded as they took his hands in theirs to step through the portal Eadwulf created. They appeared in a simple tower entryway. 

Astrid and Eadwulf dropped his hands and stepped back slightly, looking at him with concealed expressions, to see how he would react now that Ikithon was gone.

They needn’t have worried. 

Bren looked around before asking “is this yours?”

“Yes,” Astrid sounded slightly relieved, although her expression never wavered, “Eadwulf and I were given this tower some years back. We aren’t here much of the time, but it’s a small sort of home.”

“Come, let us show you.” Eadwulf’s deeper voice cut in as he walked towards the stairs. 

The decorations were beautiful, the furniture expensive, but most of the tower had a faint unlived in air to it. There were few personal touches to the rooms. The library had seen the most use, here there were books piled on the shelves and tables, the chairs were comfortable and worn, and the thin layer of dust over some of the other rooms was markedly absent.

Not so in the next area they stopped at.

Eadwulf pushed open the door to a set of rooms off of the hallway on the next floor up. “These are your rooms.” He said quietly. “We always hoped you would, well, you would get better and come back. We wanted you to have a place to come home to.”

The rooms were plain with the necessary furnishings, and some small pieces of art on the wall that showed an idyllic farm scene. 

“My rooms are through there,” Astrid gestured to the door to the left of Bren’s room, “and Eadwulf’s are there to the right.

“I know this isn’t how you wanted this to go, or how we hoped you would come back, but we’re happy that you’re here, Bren. It’s been so long, and we’ve missed you.” Her face now showed the sincerity behind her words, as well as some of the fears she held. 

Eadwulf’s face was strained as well. They’d lost their friend some time ago, and now he was back, but not how they’d imagined.

Caleb knew a bit of how that felt. Losing Mollymauk and then having Lucien show up had thrown them all. It was strange to see a stranger wear the face of someone you’d cared about. And he had only known Molly for a short time. Bren, Astrid, and Eadwulf had grown up together. How much more did this hurt them to not know if the man standing before them was their long lost partner, or just another enemy.

The silence between them stretched out as he stared into the room. Caleb wanted nothing more than to run and shut the door behind him. Shut the door and cry or scream or bleed the emotions out of himself. But he couldn’t be Caleb anymore. Caleb was part of the Mighty Nein, and he was here in Rexxentrum. Here with Astrid and Eadwulf.

Bren turned back to the pair. “Please. Stay.” he said in Zemnian as he leaned back into his room. He didn’t want to be alone right now. He couldn’t be. And despite the years of fear and shame and loneliness, Bren was happy to be back with Astrid and Eadwulf. It felt right. As nothing else in this situation did. 

Tomorrow...he would deal with whatever tomorrow brought. Tonight he wanted to feel some of the comfort the trio had brought each other throughout the years. 

He was glad to see the small flicker of joy in Astrid’s eyes as he spoke, the softening of Eadwulf’s face, as they followed him in.

—

In the morning, he woke with Eadwulf’s arm over his chest, Astrid’s hair in his face, and Jester’s voice in his ear.

“Caleb! Are you alright? Where are you? Are you hurt? Are you in Rexxentrum? I’m sorry I had to wait until today to send to-” the message cut off mid sentence.

Cale- no Bren. He was Bren. And what could Bren say to Jester Lavorre? What could he say that wouldn’t cause more pain than he had already brought? He buried his face in Astrid’s hair and let the silence stretch on, until he felt the spell fade.

In his arms, Astrid stirred, then rolled over to look at him.

“Good morning Jester. Bren is well and unharmed. He is here with us and under no restraints or compulsion. He is home now.” She let the spell end as she looked him in the eyes from inches away. There was a sadness and understanding there, and pity, which hurt more than he cared to think about. 

It was his turn now to roll over, turning to face Eadwulf. There was no pity in his eyes. Merely a sort of resignation to the pain he could see Bren was going through. Eadwulf laid his hand along Bren’s face in a gentle benediction, as Jester’s voice came back.

“Please, tell me something, tell me anything, tell me you’re fine, or dead, but please we need to hear from you, we need to plan-” 

Bren remained silent.

“I’ll keep messaging you, please Caleb we’re scared and worried, please tell us where you are, we can fix this, we can get you back.”

Bren closed his eyes under Eadwulf’s steady gaze. “I am well Jester, returning was my decision and I am unharmed. I need you all to stay away. Stay safe. I am sorry.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Out of Sight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29918376) by [amateurwordbender](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amateurwordbender/pseuds/amateurwordbender)




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